Jennifer Castaneda is the author of the forthcoming book, “Bold Love For The Independent Woman.” She is the owner of Ms. Match, empowering divorced women who are ready to take bold action to break the cycle and find true love. Her biggest love is to lead strong women and answer your dating and relationship questions which you can send to https://www.facebook.com/JenC.ReikiHealingForYou and join the family at her blog www.jennifercastaneda.com
As Valentine’s Day approaches it can seem like you are losing your mind and might as well give up on this controversial “hallmark” holiday. Peacefulness is probably the last word you associate with this holiday. What to buy or what you are getting sometimes overpowers the love that is meant to be shared on this day.
There are many stories of where or how this holiday came to be and here is my favorite. A popular biographical account of Saint Valentine of Rome states that he was imprisoned for performing weddings for soldiers who were forbidden to marry and for ministering to Christians, who were persecuted under the Roman Empire. According to legend, during his imprisonment, he healed the daughter of his jailer, Asterius. This story states that before his execution he wrote her a letter signed “Your Valentine” as a farewell. While this story is likely to be as true as the tooth fairy hooking you up with $20 for your lovely molars it still contains components similar to romance and relationships—longing, healing, feeling stuck, serving someone and getting your needs met.
Serving someone and fulfilling your own needs is usually one of the top issues that come up between couples and sometimes in your own internal struggle. When we don’t get our needs met we end up feeling longing to feel loved and then feel stuck. Leaving us quick to blame someone else…sometimes anyone else. Only some internal healing and bold action can make some real long-term changes. Since we all know this world would be so much sexier with more peaceful people sharing love I am going to spill a secret. I am going to share with you my best kept secret, the #1 best present you can give your partner if you are in a relationship… or yourself if you are single. Lean in. Drumroll please…”Yourself!” YOU are the best present you can give to your partner or to yourself. I think there is nothing sexier than holding yourself fully responsible for your own needs. This may sound easy but I see it all the time; people don’t know how to truly share who they really are or what they need with their partners or even themselves. Here are some tips:
- Long-term – Get real with your desires, dreams and goals. What are your needs? Are they being met? Are you helping your partner help you with meeting your needs? Do you let them in to your world?
Short term – The good old coupon book. You know what your partner likes. You know what you like. Make a coupon book of those things you have slacked on and one for the thing you could use more of. It can range from physical touch to quality time. Be creative. The activities in the coupon don’t have to involve both of you; it could be you being part of their peace of mind. Maybe setting up a bubble bath for them, with some candles and just letting them enjoy it. Taking out their mom or dad for lunch because you know they have wanted you to get some time in with them. Maybe you have been needing some extra loving, put in there too!
Take initiative like good old Valentine and promote peace and love in your relationships. Let us know how it went. What did you include in your coupon book? What was the response? I can’t wait to hear what you come up with.